The Micro-Yes Method
The Five-Second Question that Disarms Defensiveness
Before you deliver feedback or dive into a tough conversation — pause. Because the difference between building trust and destroying it comes down to how you start the conversation.
This simple tactic — the "micro-yes" — transformed my communication as a product leader after learning it a few years ago, and I use it everywhere, even at home with our kids!
Like the concept itself, this (micro)post is short and sweet.
What is a Micro-Yes?
A micro-yes is a small request that precedes your actual message. It primes and makes way for your message.
It seems trivial. It's not:
Before, I used to ambush: "This PRD lacks key details and needs to be rethought."
Now, I lean on the micro-yes: "Can I walk you through what’s missing in this PRD?"
What happened in that question?
It transferred control and acknowledged the other person's autonomy.
It eliminated surprise and signaled what's coming so they can prepare.
It created commitment to engage constructively.
The difference between starting with a question is huge, even though the feedback that follows might be identical. (And as curious product people, asking questions should be a superpower, so this should be second nature!)
The perfect micro-yes is respect + curiosity. It’s specific, short, honest, and easy to grant.
Try It
To challenge ideas:
"I think we're optimizing for the wrong metric. Can I explain my reasoning?"
"Before we move on, could I offer a different perspective?"
"I'm seeing this differently. Can we take a moment to explore some alternatives?"
"I think there's another angle we haven't considered. Can I walk you through it?"
For tough conversations:
"I noticed you've missed the last two deadlines. Can we talk about what's happening?"
"Your comments in that meeting landed differently than you might have intended. May I share what I observed?"
"This work doesn't meet our quality bar. Can I show you specifically what I think needs to change?"
"The approach you've taken diverges from what we agreed on. Could I understand your thinking do we could talk about it?"
Go Forth!
Five seconds can be the difference between a conversation that builds trust that unlocks progress and one that builds walls.
Your challenge: This week, identify three tough conversations ahead of you. For each one, craft your micro-yes before diving into conversation. Track what happens when you lead with a question before the critique.
A micro-post on the easy-to-implement “micro-yes!” Go forth and conquer.
Bottom line: The micro-yes transforms an ambush into an invitation – five seconds that mean the difference between defensiveness and receptivity. It's the simplest, highest-ROI communication tool you can add to your arsenal: Just ask permission before proceeding, and watch how quickly walls come down and trust builds up.